Full Cirle

When I think about the fact that I'm going on a mission and I'm turning 21 I feel OLD! I know that's silly to everyone else in the world but 21 is such an old age! I never thought I would get this old and hit this stage in life. When I got my Patriarchal Blessing I couldn't help but scoff at the idea of going on a mission at 21. There was no way I could ever not be married and having kids at that point! And yet here I am, going on a mission the week before I turn 21. SIGH! Life has a funny way of making a complete circle and doing exactly what you didn't think would happen. Remember when like 2 months ago I said I still didn't want to go on a mission and had no plans to go? Then 2 weeks later I had all my paperwork submitted? (Mother was pleasantly shocked). Everyone thought for sure I was going early and that even though my Patriarchal Blessing said 21 it was a "fluke" of sorts. Life doesn't have flukes. God knows, and he plans accordingly. I wasn't supposed to go last August. But I was supposed to have that call and go through the experiences that came from it to more prepare me for now. Life is all full circles, hind vision is 20-20, and don't even think for a second that God doesn't have a hand in your life. He's always there and EVERY SINGLE THING that happens to you is the prepare you for something to come later on. I have absolutely no doubt about that fact. Don't let the regret from the choices you made in the past hinder your future. Decide to learn something from it and make it count for something positive.

No April Fool's here!

Yes I am going on a mission! It was a quick decision based on prayer and LOTS of thought, it was a quick application process, and then it was a LONG wait to find out if I was going to the same mission as before or somewhere new (like an entire month).

But Tuesday night I received my call and opened it Wednesday morning! I was going to wait til Thursday night and go to the temple or something, but I had too much downtime before work started and I couldn't help myself!

The letter was a short 2 paragraphs and as soon as I saw that I knew I was going to the same mission. West Virginia Charleston! It basically said that I was reinstated as a missionary and I'm reporting to the MTC June 4th! That's coming up pretty quick! 48 days! My Mom's just a little excited, FALSE, she's possibly more excited than I am.

I have 3 boy cousins graduating from highschool this year and then going on missions this Summer. All 3 of them are going to Mexico! And I honestly kind of feel like I'm missing out on the party. But at the same time it's ok and everything is great!

I'm going on a mission leaving you wishing! I'm excited to go! And it's coming up quick but everything's done. All I have to do is book flights and buy a second pair of shoes!

Dilly dally and going ons.

Have you ever felt not good enough? Like there's something that you could be doing to better yourself but everything you think of still isn't enough? That's kind of how I've been feeling a LOT lately. And I've been thinking of ways to improve, and made decisions based on it. And that's the extent of my life recently.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more.

And I think that's the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You can love a million different things about a person and care for them greatly, while still holding on to that dark thing that beats in the center of your chest. But once you're in love something strange happens. You see, you take that beating thing, that is so closely guarded, and you ever so gently place it in their hands. And in that small moment you realize something. In that small moment you know that person could take everything you are and just absolutely destroy you in a way that no one else could possibly understand or replicate. And we, as silly, silly, stupid human beings, just hand it over. And we spend every night hoping and praying that in the morning they'll still have a tight grip on that dark beating thing that belongs in the center of your chest. That thing that keeps you alive. That thing you stupidly gave to someone else for safe keeping. And even if they let go and hurt you, you never ever ever stop hoping and praying that one day they'll pick it back up again.