I am the girl.

I the girl with OH SO MANY fears. I am the girl with not very much self-control and who acts quickly on whims before really thinking. I am the girl with many faults and weaknesses. I am the girl who is one second so ready to get out of here and start on this next adventure in my life, then the very next second starts crying because she finally feels so settled and happy somewhere. I am the girl who feels more conflicting emotions in an hour then should be physically possible. I am the girl who can't seem to find enough time for anything, except to sit on the couch trying to process everything that is happening. I am the girl who HATES packing and thinks of packing in an organized fashion probably my biggest downfall. I am the girl who is always on the verge of tears, and not always sad ones. I am the girl who has never felt the Spirit in a week span more in her life. I am the girl who still finds ways to doubt everything that I know. I am the girl who, many times, wishes she could just fast forward through these next 18 months and start there. I am the girl who can't handle silence for the fear that it will take over. I am the girl who can't believe how many weddings, baptisms, and births she is going to miss. I am the girl. Meh. I don't like the girl.

Oh how lovely of a day!

Well May just came in swinging today! The weather has been absolutely perfect today and I was determined to enjoy it and not let it go to waste! I love having a great big pool with nice chairs to soak up the sun in. But OH HOW I MISS THE BEACH!!!! I am a beach girl and always will be. I was quite spoiled to be able to grow up on the beach (though the stark whiteness of my skin tone would never make you think it). But I love to soak up the sun! I love to sit for hours just enjoying the warmth shining down on me. Sometimes I feel like I can literally feel my skin soaking up the beautiful sunbeams. The pool was nice but it will never be the beach. I prefer sand to hard plastic chairs, the sound of waves crashing to cars driving past,  sounds of seagulls and kids screaming in delight to the chirping of little birds, being able to jump in the cold foamy water to the silent waters of the unused pool, and of course just being in California vs. Utah. I'm excited to get to go home for Mother's day and enjoy the beach.