Dolla Dolla Bill Ya'll

Today I am grateful for work that pays, a lot, even if it won't be for very long. During the day I work 5 plus hours at 10 bucks an hour. Then at night I ref basketball. At a minimum I make 20 bucks a game/hour. Sometimes I make 53 bucks a game. This week alone I will make 550 bucks minimum. It could be up to 100 more. I really hope I can keep working at the daycare. I like this.

My Life Would Suck Without You

I have been very blessed with and by the people in my life. Someone is always there for me. I've been blessed with so many opportunities and experiences because of the people I know. I love you people so much. But I must say I do have a favorite. And he is amazing, and I love him. I don't know what I would do without him. I know for sure that I would not be the person I am today without him. He is such a great man.

What a week!

Ok. This week has not been fun. All I knew was that I needed to get home at Thanksgiving, but I had no idea how I was going to. Ride after ride fell through and I knew no one could help me get as much stuff home as I needed anyways. I was so freaked out about all of it that I started freaking out about everything in my life. This week was just full of extreme emotions. Lots of crying. I'm sorry to everyone I've been a butt to. I don't know how people put up with me sometimes because I know that I'm the type of person I want to punch in the face. Yuck. It has been said that the things we hate most in others are the things we hate most in ourselves. For me it's true. One thing I really like about this blog is the title. Sometimes my stuff can be a little more personal than others, but I don't have to explain it. And I like that. Again though, I'm sorry. Especially to Christian. This week has been really rough with us, and it was my fault. All of it. And I don't know how he puts up with me, but he does no matter how crazy I am. I'm crazy about him. He really is so good for me in lots of different ways, but more than anything he makes me feel somewhat sane......most of the time. It kind of scares me how badly he could hurt me. He literally knows all my faults, issues, fears, worries, and problems. And he's the only one. And he has hurt me, and I'm sure it will happen again (despite my attempts to ignore it, I am quite sensitive). But I know (and this scares me most of all), there is nothing he could do that would make me want to leave. I'm pretty sure I would always come crawling back on all fours begging for another chance. That's a lot of power for a 19 year old to have, but I trust him. I have to. I would now like to take the time to make a disclaimer, this is not an unhealthy relationship. I know that could have scared some people, but don't let it. Just threaten him a lot and we'll have nothing to worry about :)

Roomies

I'm thankful for the roommates that I've been blessed with while I've been at school. They make me laugh and look out for me. And they drive me home :) I'm gonna miss you guys.

Fragile

I once had a little glass ball. It had many cracks and scratches. Some bigger than others. I polished it and guarded it. It stayed in a pretty container and no one else could see the flaws and imperfections. They weren't allowed close enough. I let some closer than others, a couple of people even held it for a while. Most just damaged it even more. Very few helped me polish and fix. Then this boy came along. And I found that I could trust him. He asked to hold that tiny, fragile glass ball. I was reluctant at first but I finally let him. At first for only short periods of time, but I slowly let him hold it longer and longer. He started to fix that little ball, or what I thought was fixing it. He started to fill in cracks, polish, and just protect. Then one day I realized what had happened. I had completely given it to him. The one thing I always promised I would never do. I tried to get it back, but he kept it and promised to keep it safe. He would never let it break. Then one day, he dropped it. He had stopped paying attention and forgot about it. Maybe he wanted to hold something else more. Maybe he was just tired of holding my little glass ball, but he dropped it. It had been dropped before, but that always just resulted in more small cracks. But when he dropped it, it shattered. Because he had been holding it for so long it had weakened. I had stopped strengthening it. I thought he would always protect it. I thought it would never be hurt again. But I was wrong. He broke it. He broke my fragile glass ball. That tiny ball that I held and protected for so long. That tiny glass ball that was all of me.

Tell me why?

A lot of times I just don't know why. I am so scared of the future. Sometimes I feel so certain about how things are going to work, and then there are some days where I feel like it could all change in a second. I like some change, others not at all. Some things scare me more than I could ever tell you. I don't know what I would do or how I would even live. I'm so scared of the future sometimes.

That one guy that makes my heart skip a beat.

I have always had really bad self-confidence issues. I get harped on for it a lot. I try to hide it and mask it with sarcasm, but then something always comes up that just kicks me in the butt. But there's this one guy, he makes it better. He loves me. He makes me feel wonderful. And I love him so much. He makes my heart skip a beat.

Oh the places you'll go.

Today I am thankful for technology. I can keep track of friends and communicate quickly. And stalk people I've never met before......it's fun :)

Routine

Today I am grateful for routine. This past week I have strayed from the little things that I do daily, and I have suffered for it. I've been much more irritable, whiny, and just annoying. I'm so sorry for the people who have to deal with me daily (Christian). But I promise that it will not happen again. I don't like who I am when I don't follow routine. I need it.

H2O

Today I am grateful for water. Hot water for showers, and cold water for drinking. And nothing is worse than a cold shower. And today I had to take one. When you put 6 girls in 1 apartment it's bound to happen. Stupid personal hygiene. On a side note, PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB! Why are people so dumb? I hate losing friends for stupid things. Stupid people.

"For health and strength and daily food."

Today I learned that a friend back home has a brain tumor. I have seen so many friends and family affected by many different types of cancer that it just scares me. I hate hearing about it. I hate knowing how much pain, worry, and stress it puts on families. I am so grateful for a healthy body. I am so grateful that I have good food to eat every day. I am grateful to be healthy and strong and that my body can do so much. Tomorrow is fast sunday, for all my mormon friends. Please keep Scott Manwaring in your prayers and thoughts tomorrow. Even if you don't know him. He's a great dad of a young family and I'm sure they could use any comfort or help they can get.

Being thankful.

Ok. Ok. I've decided to jump on the "Thankful" wagon, but that's just because there's so much to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for myself. Now that might sound lame and kind of full of it. But seriously, I'm awesome. I'm so thankful for the person I am. I believe that I've been this way forever. And I always will be. There are many people that have influenced me, for both good and bad, but I don't like to think they've changed me. They've just influenced me in certain aspects that I needed some influencing in, there are parts of me that could still use some polishing. So, I'm thankful for me and all that I am, for what I believe, and for what I live for. I'm thankful that, even though I have my flaws, I'm still pretty rockin.

What day is it?

Today is friday. But it feels like monday. Because wednesday felt like friday....... I need more sleep.

A little girl is a fragile thing.

Little girls are fragile. 

They can be shaped to be good.

Or they can be shattered.

Take care of that little girl.

One day she might make all the difference.

And one day you will realize you made all the difference.

Or could have.