Long Time No Read

Well, it's only been a long time.......
I've always said, "Sometimes it's not about whether you actually go or not. Sometimes it's just about knowing you're worthy and able to." I promise I didn't just wimp out. I promise my testimony isn't too weak or whatever. I just knew I couldn't go. After the blessings I received and the feelings I had I knew I couldn't go. Nothing about going on a mission felt right. I felt lost, confused, and panicked at all times and if anyone ever tried to talk to me about it I just started crying and found a way to end the conversation quickly and run away. And trust me I was praying my butt off for peace and reassurance I was doing the right thing. I very much believe that we will always be warned before we make a big mistake and I knew that a year and a half of my life was something that I (and the Lord) did not take very lightly.
So here I am in Utah. It was a whirl-wind of a few weeks while I figured out where I was going to live, getting a car, and trying to figure out some semblance of a plan. All I knew is that when I made a decision I would know if it was right or wrong.
I know that none of my decisions make sense to anyone else and everyone thinks I should be doing something different. But all I can promise is I'm doing what the Lord wants me to. I'm going to the temple, I'm praying to be guided, and my scriptures are being well used.
All growing up Utah was a fun place to visit for a week to see family and what not but I always "hated" it. I swore I would never live here. And now here I am feeling more at home than I think I ever have. Utah is home for me, and I'll probably be here for the rest of my life. I found a great job that I love (when have I ever said that before?) and I feel like I'm taking steps towards my future, a good future that ends in the celestial kingdom........(presumptuous???? I think everyone should be.)
Guys, the Lord is good. He watches over all of us and keeps us on the right path. So many times I feel like he's just kind of picked me up and moved me where I needed to be.