I love the temple. The temple is the only place where life goes away for a few hours. The temple is my solace and safe haven. Going to the temple is the only thing that keeps me sane in this crazy world that seems to make me lose my perspective sometimes. I know I'm 20 years old and I'm young and stupid, but the temple helps. The temple has changed me completely. I can't imagine living the life I am without the knowledge that I can go to the temple and be given peace. I don't know how I would be surviving this without the ability to go and partake of the FULL blessings of the temple. Baptisms are great (don't get me wrong), but it's just so different and has such greater blessings.
Most of the time I'm completely confused about what life is doing to me and how everything is working out (like getting endowed so young and then not going on a mission or getting married). But God sees everything. And that is the most glorious and constant truth. He knew I would need the blessings from the temple that I have the opportunity to receive that I wouldn't have otherwise. He knew I would end up where I could do good and bless others, even if that wasn't in the Appalachian Mountains up in West Virginia. The people I'm meeting, the challenges I'm facing, and the temple attendance are shaping me to be the person he wants me to be. I'm being forced to make choices I wouldn't have otherwise. And those choices are making me realize what I really want. Not what I thought I want, but when it really comes down to the depths of my heart and soul I know exactly what I want. And I know I would never forgive myself if I didn't do everything that I could to make it happen.
The temple is great. God is great. Life is great. Life is also terrifying. But if I can remember that my God and Savior are watching over me I'm ok. They know how this all ends, and that needs to be good enough for me, because that means everything ends up ok.
It's actually quite interesting how the whole process of me receiving my endowment started. I was just chilling in Rexburg Fall 2012, living a life that I knew wasn't the best. I was confused and hurting and was really struggling to be happy. Out of the blue I started thinking about receiving my endowment. I didn't even have a part time recommend and here I was thinking about the highest of levels to achieve. It made no sense but I didn't realize it. So I started asking questions about the process and when it can happen and yada yada. I bought undershirts that I thought we about the right shape and covering of garments and started wearing them everyday pretending I was wearing them (side note: people thought I was, lots of funny conversations). I started reading. Pamphlets, books, Ensign articles, and anything else I could get my hands on.
The two biggest books? The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister and The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer. Both were spiritually expanding and very personal to me. I had MANY personal revelations about the pre-existence and me and my Heavenly Parents and they were fantastic books that will be beneficial to anyone. Highly recommended.
Anyways, so I started meeting with my Bishop once a week. I was tired of half hanging on to the gospel and not knowing for myself what was going on. I was tired of being tired and sad all the time and wanted to move on my life. We had great discussions. We talked about the Atonement and the temple and what they could do for me. He got me going to the temple once a week and promised me great blessings from it, and great blessings did I receive. I felt happy! I felt like I had a purpose, and life finally made sense. So there I was doing my best and growing in a way I didn't think was possible.
Then, SHABAM! Missionary age change. I saw my next 3 years flashing before my eyes and it all made sense and it was perfect! Suddenly all the preparation for the temple and being weird about for no reason.....there was a reason!
Everyone started freaking out and dropping everything to leave immediately. I dropped out of school and headed home so I could start working. I knew I was going to have to fund this whole thang and I was going to need to start bringing in the money. So I started working and trying to figure out my timeline. In the mean time I went to the temple. At least once a week (usually more) I was at the temple doing baptisms and dreaming of doing more. The San Diego temple is special. When you're sitting in the "chapel" waiting there's a window at the back that is connected to the main entrance. And when you look through it you can see the stairs that lead to rest of the temple. Every time I went I sat and stared and said to myself, "Soon."
When the day finally came I was ecstatic. Forget my mission call, I just wanted to go through the temple. And it was not what I expected at all. The temple is weird at first. Point blank and nothing much else to it. And the first time you go, you have no idea what's going on and you miss half of it and nothing makes sense. It's beautiful, but yeah. Luckily I live in a great place where as soon as you receive your mission call they get you endowed and working in the temple. Every Saturday I got to spend six hours serving and being so engrossed by the Spirit. Things made sense quickly and I stopped being confused. It was the greatest thing I've ever done.
So what happened with the mission? Honestly truly when it boils right down to it, I didn't want to go. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't regret it at all. I still don't want to go. I love where I am.
So here I am. I have seriously changed so much in the past year. The temple and the Atonement have changed me. There is nothing greater than feeling like you finally understand. And there's still so very much that I have left to learn, but good Ghandi I understand so much more than I did. The temple people. The blessings you receive from attending are greater than any other you could receive. Make the time to go. Every week is my goal. Not because I want blessings, but because I can't get through a week without going. I NEED those blessings. Everyone does. And if you're trying to convince yourself you don't? You do! Stop lying to yourself.
And that's what I feel strongly about. Obviously since I just typed enough to make my fingers bleed. The temple. Get there.
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